A Letter to My Son for His 1st Birthday

“Of all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you”

The moment I met you, my heart grew a million times. It filled with more love than I thought humanly possible. But I loved you even before I met you. The moment we found out we were having a baby, I loved you. The moment we discovered you were a boy, I loved you even more. But nothing compares to that first time we saw you, held you, kissed you.

This year was full of so much joy. It challenged us, taught us to be more patient, to not be so rigid, to abandon our itineraries, to put your needs before our own, to love so deeply. We have been smitten with you since day one. We used to watch you sleep as a newborn and marvel over every tiny smile, every coo, and every tiny detail on your sweet face. I currently have 36,000 pictures on my phone – 99% which are of you. We spent hours working on tummy time with you, crawling and then walking. You have the greatest laugh we’ve ever heard. We melt into puddles every single time you giggle. You scrunch your nose at us for no reason and constantly have your tongue out.

I hope you are always as curious as you are today. You love cars and your curious George stuffed animal and playing music on your activity table, Elmo guitar and piano. You flip through books all on your own and giggle with delight whenever you find the Toot book. You want to read it over and over again. You want to play with all the puzzles and try to put things together. You’ve started kicking balls (future soccer star?). You are so quick to investigate things and figure out how they work, and you love to spin wheels on your toys. I hope you’re always confident and independent, but not too independent. Mama loves your sweet cuddles and wants to hold you for always.

You have the kindest, sweetest eyes and say “awww” when you give kisses. You’re so proud of yourself when you get down off the couch/bed/someone’s lap, you test us everyday by trying to open cabinets and push the gate (but look at us and smile before you do it 😂), and though you can’t talk, you do converse with us. You say “huh” when we ask you questions, you say “no no no no” when you know you aren’t supposed to do something, you call for “dada” ALL. THE. TIME., and you tell us “bye bye” in the cutest southern accent every time we leave the room. Your name means “strong-willed” and if you’re anything, it’s strong-willed. But I hope you always are.

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ould never adequately express how much I love you. For the past year, it's felt like my heart is walking around outside of my body. I'm sure that won't go away but simultaneously, it has felt like my heart grows more and more each day to hold more love for you. Just when I think I couldn't possibly love you any more… you smile, or kiss me, or melt into my arms for a nap.

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u will always be the thing for which I am most grateful. Unendingly grateful. You and your dad are my favorite parts of every day and what my heart beats for. I hope you grow up to be just as wonderful as your Dada.

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feels like this year passed in the blink of an eye. You went from tiny newborn to chunky infant to this toddler baby who runs through Lowe's with your hat on backwards. I hope time will pass a little slower so we can savor these moments and keep you small just a little while longer. But even if time fast forwards ahead, I know I'll only love you more with each second that passes.

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xo